Dear You,
It's another day when maybe as much as you wanted to do, didn't get done. You can try again tomorrow. Your worth isn't tied to how many checks might be on your TODO list.
Love,
Me
Friday, December 1, 2023
Sunday, October 6, 2019
2019, Love Letter 1
The truth is ... you were the last straw.
The straw that shattered me – and shattered my heart.
And I was left, in the down below, flabbergasted…wondering how I was going to pick up – to find – all the pieces that were left on the ground around me. In this strange place, with these kind people…but still, people who wouldn’t expect to find the debris littering their home.
I did the best I could to pick up the pieces.
To clean the gore.
I took what I could, what I found, and packed it away, in any space that would fit – and vacated.
The straw that shattered me – and shattered my heart.
And I was left, in the down below, flabbergasted…wondering how I was going to pick up – to find – all the pieces that were left on the ground around me. In this strange place, with these kind people…but still, people who wouldn’t expect to find the debris littering their home.
I did the best I could to pick up the pieces.
To clean the gore.
I took what I could, what I found, and packed it away, in any space that would fit – and vacated.
Like the wanderer I am, I hit the road. The only lust that seems to have done right by me…the wandering kind. And while the road led me home, it wasn’t a home I recognized.
And the heart I’ve pieced together doesn’t seem near the same as it was when I left.
I haven’t figured out yet whether this is a good thing, or a bad.
I think it’s just one of those things that is…that you have to develop a new reality around.
The present is the new reality.
Not one I wanted, but one I’m trying to settle into…
You could say it’s a “love the one you’re with…” kind of life.
One in which the miracle is the no…but god – what a hard miracle to live, to love.
No, this isn’t about you.
It’s about me: what I’ve learned, and what I’m learning –
And how I’m shutting myself up and tucking away my heart, because thinking about…
…well, there’s nothing to think about, because it’s better not to…
sigh
You were the lesson that taught me what it means to value integrity over connection.
And while I was focused on maintaining a wholeness that didn’t compromise my self-ness or the boundaries I had set from day one, I didn’t see how broken (in a different kind of way) it would leave me.
And the heart I’ve pieced together doesn’t seem near the same as it was when I left.
I haven’t figured out yet whether this is a good thing, or a bad.
I think it’s just one of those things that is…that you have to develop a new reality around.
The present is the new reality.
Not one I wanted, but one I’m trying to settle into…
You could say it’s a “love the one you’re with…” kind of life.
One in which the miracle is the no…but god – what a hard miracle to live, to love.
No, this isn’t about you.
It’s about me: what I’ve learned, and what I’m learning –
And how I’m shutting myself up and tucking away my heart, because thinking about…
…well, there’s nothing to think about, because it’s better not to…
sigh
You were the lesson that taught me what it means to value integrity over connection.
And while I was focused on maintaining a wholeness that didn’t compromise my self-ness or the boundaries I had set from day one, I didn’t see how broken (in a different kind of way) it would leave me.
Friday, September 7, 2018
2018, Love Letter 11
This is exactly what I long to tell you…
I fell in love with this sign today at the vintage shop, and I wanted to send you the picture I took.
I fell in love with this sign today at the vintage shop, and I wanted to send you the picture I took.
I wanted to buy the sign and put it up in our house. I want to sit next to you on the sand and listen to the waves, and be close enough to lean on your shoulder for a moment or two.
And maybe whisper how much I love you and this life we’ve built together.
But instead of saying, “I love you,” I would have said, “You, me and the sea.”
Low and thick with emotion.
And you would have looked at me with a knowing, a complete understanding, in your eyes, and brushed your lips gently against my forehead.
And my eyes would have shone brightly with the diamond-tears that only a lifetime together can express.
—
That’s how it would have been, my dear.
And maybe whisper how much I love you and this life we’ve built together.
But instead of saying, “I love you,” I would have said, “You, me and the sea.”
Low and thick with emotion.
And you would have looked at me with a knowing, a complete understanding, in your eyes, and brushed your lips gently against my forehead.
And my eyes would have shone brightly with the diamond-tears that only a lifetime together can express.
—
That’s how it would have been, my dear.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
2018, Love Letter 10
In characters of living light,
Of kindly deeds and actions wrought.
And these, beyond the touch of time,
Shall live immortal as my thought.*
Somehow, you’ve pegged me well.
And I am on this side of it wondering, did we talk that much before?
I don’t really remember offering that much of a view to my insides…
But, I do know you to be…brilliant.
So smart.
You know things.
And maybe, I should just trust the fact that you know me too.
—
You take pictures of things that make you happy.
Yes. Exactly.
Why couldn’t I find those words?
As things are; how they are; when they are…
I want to remember.
Just like, I want to remember you…
—
And I do.
All the times you made me smile…
All the times, I felt like someone was on my side…
All the times, you shared your experience with me…
All the times I felt like there was never enough time…
Your kind deeds live in my heart.
—
And, somehow, without having – what I think – is enough time, there’s been enough time for memories to last.
You’ve been an important player, without having played much.
You matter.
And when I ask you, “How’s your heart,” I care more than I can explain.
—
But, I think you know.
*from Carving a Name by Horatio Alger Jr.
Of kindly deeds and actions wrought.
And these, beyond the touch of time,
Shall live immortal as my thought.*
Somehow, you’ve pegged me well.
And I am on this side of it wondering, did we talk that much before?
I don’t really remember offering that much of a view to my insides…
But, I do know you to be…brilliant.
So smart.
You know things.
And maybe, I should just trust the fact that you know me too.
—
You take pictures of things that make you happy.
Yes. Exactly.
Why couldn’t I find those words?
As things are; how they are; when they are…
I want to remember.
Just like, I want to remember you…
—
And I do.
All the times you made me smile…
All the times, I felt like someone was on my side…
All the times, you shared your experience with me…
All the times I felt like there was never enough time…
Your kind deeds live in my heart.
—
And, somehow, without having – what I think – is enough time, there’s been enough time for memories to last.
You’ve been an important player, without having played much.
You matter.
And when I ask you, “How’s your heart,” I care more than I can explain.
—
But, I think you know.
*from Carving a Name by Horatio Alger Jr.
Sunday, July 22, 2018
2018, Love Letter 9
There are some people who – by their service – make a huge impact.
You, my dear, are one of those people.
The way you love.
The way you serve.
The way you remain consistent, never failing, always giving — it’s an act of creation, it’s passion, it’s…
Awe-inspiring.
You inspire (you create) awe within me.
—
I feel like sometimes, you just see the trees – the individuals in your path that need love and care – and your focus is tight on that moment-by-moment act of service.
I need you to know that there’s a whole forest – the individuals who see your commitment, who are witness to your love – who are in the path of your light-ripples, who have the opportunity to absorb the courage you present.
You present (offer) courage.
It is your gift…
…one that I am thankful – oh, so thankful – to be challenged by!
You, my dear, are one of those people.
The way you love.
The way you serve.
The way you remain consistent, never failing, always giving — it’s an act of creation, it’s passion, it’s…
Awe-inspiring.
You inspire (you create) awe within me.
—
I feel like sometimes, you just see the trees – the individuals in your path that need love and care – and your focus is tight on that moment-by-moment act of service.
I need you to know that there’s a whole forest – the individuals who see your commitment, who are witness to your love – who are in the path of your light-ripples, who have the opportunity to absorb the courage you present.
You present (offer) courage.
It is your gift…
…one that I am thankful – oh, so thankful – to be challenged by!
2018, Love Letter 8
There are so many things I want to tell you.
There’s a backlog of stories, thoughts, antidotes – questions – that I want to send your way. I feel like a pen-pal that’s behind on sending letters.
I have a treasure-trove of thanks to share with you for being you…the kind of person who pursues creation.
You inspire me. So often.
And I don’t take the time, the second, that I should to send acknowledgement your way.
—
Sure. We don’t always get it right.
But we keep trying, right?
Life. Living. Learning.
Growth.
Somehow, in one simple sentence, you’ve summed up everything I want to say to you: “I’m really glad I know you.”
BOOM.
My world rocks just a little bit from…
the kindness of it…
the power of it…
the generosity of it…
the evaluation of it…
And, of course, the unfairness of it that you said that words first.
I didn’t; I couldn’t; I was struggling to convey, to share, to communicate…
How in the world is communication a struggle for me?!
Let me just ask you that –
—
I appreciate you more than I can say…
(…and I know that I should try to say it more often.)
I am so thankful that our paths crossed and that you’re among the stars that shine light and inspiration on my path.
That’s how I see you, if I haven’t said it before, a star full of history, experience, wisdom – full of light – and full of presence, making “the now” count, taking charge of each moment to give light.
—
I know it’s not easy: it’s a constant conversion, a state of releasing energy…
It’s action.
You are action.
There’s a backlog of stories, thoughts, antidotes – questions – that I want to send your way. I feel like a pen-pal that’s behind on sending letters.
I have a treasure-trove of thanks to share with you for being you…the kind of person who pursues creation.
You inspire me. So often.
And I don’t take the time, the second, that I should to send acknowledgement your way.
—
Sure. We don’t always get it right.
But we keep trying, right?
Life. Living. Learning.
Growth.
Somehow, in one simple sentence, you’ve summed up everything I want to say to you: “I’m really glad I know you.”
BOOM.
My world rocks just a little bit from…
the kindness of it…
the power of it…
the generosity of it…
the evaluation of it…
And, of course, the unfairness of it that you said that words first.
I didn’t; I couldn’t; I was struggling to convey, to share, to communicate…
How in the world is communication a struggle for me?!
Let me just ask you that –
—
I appreciate you more than I can say…
(…and I know that I should try to say it more often.)
I am so thankful that our paths crossed and that you’re among the stars that shine light and inspiration on my path.
That’s how I see you, if I haven’t said it before, a star full of history, experience, wisdom – full of light – and full of presence, making “the now” count, taking charge of each moment to give light.
—
I know it’s not easy: it’s a constant conversion, a state of releasing energy…
It’s action.
You are action.
Thursday, July 6, 2017
2017, Love Letter 14
Always with me, my budding giant.
I’m so proud of your development, your growth.
All the changes that come and go where I see you choose to rise -
Above yesterday…
Above yourself…
Above Autism…
Above yesterday…
Above yourself…
Above Autism…
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