one hundred ninety-four

Why did I love you?
I don't know.

You made me feel alive, you made me feel.
How ironic, that you can't say the same.

As a matter of fact, you said you felt nothing. NOTHING!!
"Hadn't in years," you said.

I was hoping you meant "that was before I met you."
I was hoping you meant,"now that I have you, I can feel again."

At least that's what I rocked myself to sleep believing, when you turned your back on me and rolled to the other side of the bed. "He just doesn't like to cuddle" I told myself.

"He's an aloof sort of fellow, I can deal with that...(maybe), the proof that he cares is that he keeps seeing me, spending time with me, sleeping with me, taking trips to the mountains...that has to mean something."

Every time I thought I heard the death knoll of our non-relationship and was ready for the axe to fall, the opposite happened. We spent a wonderful day or weekend together. But then came the silence, the days of not hearing from you. It would have turned into weeks if I had not swallowed my pride and called you, asking, hinting, begging to see you. I expected resistance. Instead you nonchalantly said, "Sure, come on over I'm waiting for you, lets do something fun."

Why did you not just step up and be a man? Why did you not just say,"Sit down. We have to talk. I don't think this is going anywhere?"

Instead you posted hints on Facebook: "The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but it's still on my list" A humorous quote that was being re-posted by many. How did I know it was directed at me. Like a fool, I commented with a hahaha.

But you, probably without a good replacement prospect, decided to just "Keep me hanging on." Oh how you must have agonized and debated, "ditch her now or wait till the cute blond takes me up on my offer of dinner? HEY! Maybe I could have both!!!"

I wondered why, why, why and I guess I'll never know, why you even waste the time wooing your way through girl after girl after girl. I was hoping I was wrong when I told you the cowards way in a note left with your key, that I know you never really cared about me, that I just had to get on with my life.

I was hoping you would tell me that it wasn't all just a matter of convenience, but then you made that post. The one that asked which movie describes your love life, and you answered "The Good, The Bad and The Convenient."

"YOU BASTARD"!!!!!!


This love letter was submitted to the blog in reply to Post 170.
It has been formatted and re-posted here.

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one hundred ninety-three

To Bryan,

Winter is on her way. Lately I have found myself searching for you more and more in the pages of novels and in the old leather-covered poetry books that line my shelves.

It’s surprising in that all the poets and all the authors seem to know the loss of you, too, and they find the words that I can’t to describe the aching feeling you’ve left me with. They keep me company now that you’re gone, and their companionship has become something I value rather greatly.

I still miss you.

C.

See this post and more at http://to-bryan.tumblr.com/


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one hundred ninety-two

My Love,

I at first didn’t know what to talk about. Just like every day, I suppose. (And I promise I will get off the whole “Iunnowhattosaaaaaaay” train soon. I promise.) But I decided to check my twitter before I started writing and just as I looked, I found something work replying to!

Just as backstory, I have this friend D. We met on livejournal through similar communities and actually lived in the same town. I realized that I knew his brother in real life and we both laughed over that. Then we started really talking and becoming more casual friends. And I would like to believe that now even though we have more base personality traits in common rather than active interests- even though it really was like that from the beginning -that we think of each other as more intellectual equals.

Which is interesting and I believe more healthy for me to have a relationship like this because I have issues with not being intelligent enough or being not worthy of respect. Not that I want people bowing down to me, but I do not want to be considered a servant nor an underling. I think that the way that I speak with D brings out the intelligence in both of us and allows us to take ourselves and each other seriously as driven people in this world. I also appreciate our philosophical conversations about life, the universe, and everything. It adds light to my life when the rare time that we start a conversation happens. But I shall give examples on another day. I must decide if I am to sleep now or stay up even if though I have work once again tomorrow.

Always yours,

N

See this post and more at http://threesixtyfiveloveletters.tumblr.com/

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one hundred ninety-one

Love Letters to Emma: A Train Ride to Nowhere.

 

 

“We walk down the corridor holding hands as the soft pulsation of the train traveling along the steal railings reverberates up through our legs. Other than the rain drops, the train windows shine flawlessly clear. These windows fill the train on one side and glass compartment doors stand resolute on the other. I can here muffled conversations through the sliding doors. We emerge from a patch of trees. Clouds still cover most of the sky as the sun sinks below the mountains. Even in the dim light I can see the grassy hills blanket the wide expanse of land. Above us the train lights turn on, sending streams of light outside the windows and onto the grass. I look over at you and smile. The beauty that emanates from every pore of your body is no match to the beauty around us. Then I wake up.

I look around. It’s so dark. No more do I experience the unusual sensation of not knowing where I am when I wake. I’ve been here long enough. Too long. My upper thighs and waist ache because of my harness. I stand up on a small ledge, momentarily freeing my legs and waist of the annoying pain.

Emma. I don’t really know what to say. I assume you haven’t seen my videos yet. They only have a few hundred views each. But, I will push through this. I feel like my mind may last longer than my body. I only have enough food for another month or so. What will I do then? I’m not sure. Emma, I dream of us together. I still wait for your video response. Your fans have done great in spreading my videos as far as they have already. I would thank them too. Emma, please save me.
   
Until then, I shall meet you in my dreams.
   
Always yours, Michael.”

See this post and more at http://ransomvlog.tumblr.com/

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one hundred ninety

Long Distance Relationship 

 

 

Him: When I see you next time ima give you the biggest hug. This has by far been the hardest part of my life, being away from who I love more than anything :( I know you’ve been crying yourself to sleep the past few nights. My heart is sinking. I am the worst. My plan is to somehow get closer to you by not actually being with you :( lets see how well this works. I need your smile…ima die without it :(((( kay well I got to go. Love you soo soo soooo much..wish you could understand. :/ miss you baby :* bye<3

Her: You are the most sweetest and caring boyfriend ever! I love you so so muchhh. Reading this uplifted me, yet made me miss you even more. Being away from you is tearing me apart from the inside, out. I’m sorryyy for becoming so weak…I’m trying my best to be strong since that’s the only choice i have. I can’t imagine my life without you and now being far from you is starting to hurt more than ever. I am no longer capable of pretending like it’s an easy task not being by your side. I wish there was a way we could be closer. I can’t wait to see you again.<3

See this post and more at http://mariamx3u.tumblr.com/

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