2017, Love Letter 3

I didn’t forget you.

How could I when your smile stands out in a sea of selfies, so handsome and warm?

Your smile is so familiar, yet each one tells me something a little bit different, shows me that you’re hiding something new.

I try not to focus on how uneasy that makes me feel inside. 

It doesn’t matter, right? I’m so far removed your secrets can’t touch me.

Right?

I try to leave behind the uneasy feeling by thinking about your warmth instead…

The familiarity of your embrace and how we laugh together.

The sureness of your walk and how I’m calmed by your confidence.

The softness of your sun-kissed skin and how touching it feels like home.

I remember the way you played the strings and sang the songs, and how – just for a minute – my heart believed.

But I know better now. 

Doubt seldom leaves room for trust.

2017, Love Letter 2

It’s been a while, a good long while, but I’d like to resume my sisterly role in your life and punch you in the nose. Only hard enough that it leaves a black eye.

You’ve forgotten your place.
You’re not seeing things clearly.

And I think, if you had a black eye to look at when you see yourself in the mirror, you’d remember who you are and what you’ve worked for – what’s at stake.

I feel like it would help you remember the difference between long and short term consequences.

Your eye – would heal.
Hearts – take longer; sometimes, never do.

With your actions, your choices, you’re turning the hearts of those around you – those who love you – black and blue with pain and sorrow.

Nicely done, bruh. 

That’s a pretty big mess you’re leaving behind…and for what?

Can you please explain to me why – WHY – you’re digging your hole deeper? What could possibly be worth the value you’re tossing aside? Seriously. WTF, man?

I speak as one of the wounded hearts you’ve left behind. Your damage is harsh, and some wounds never heal. Don’t be surprised when you wake up from this lapse and realize you had other choices.

I get it – life is stuffy. The weight of responsibility is crushing. Choosing others over self over and over again can leave you soul-weary. But there are other avenues…

For example, I could have just given you the black eye, talked some sense into you, helped support your heart in it’s struggle for space to move and air to breathe, but…

My heart is one of those left behind in your wake.

2017, Love Letter 1

My heart hurts for you.

It hopes for so much more.
I want you to be happy.

Healthy – making good decisions.
Embracing all the good in front of you –
Within you.

I feel you under my skin.
Next to my heart.

I’m nervous, because I feel the darkness growing,
Blowing out, billowing, swirling around –
Claiming ground.

I’m captured by your smile.
The light in your eyes – the question.

Hope. Anticipation – of what’s to come,
The possible best.

Guard your heart, my dear.
To obtain the best, we must fight the worst.
The battle is NOT for the faint of heart.

I want you. Whole and winning.

I can feel the darkness with you.
But I can’t fight the darkness for you.

I can send you light and love, but alone they are not enough.
You must fight, reclaim, advance – shine your own light.