thirty-nine

Do you know why I love you?

You let me sit on your lap and sob (SOB) into your chest. You had your arms wrapped around me and I felt safe and loved. And after the tears were dried, it was no big deal. You made sure that I was okay, but you didn't make me feel any less. In fact, somehow, I felt more powerful.

You certainly have a way about you, don't you?
Thanks for that!

thirty-eight

You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I know it. With every particle that is in my body, I love you. And even when you've made me so mad, if I look at you too long, the anger will melt; and all I'm left with is amused adoration. I admit it- I am starstruck- completely. I am in awe of how amazing and breath-taking you are; and I am absolutely stunned with pleasure to have you in my life. Would you think less of me if I told you that sometimes...just sometimes...I am jealous when you are with someone else? But mostly, I try to gather some semblance of maturity and realize that you are mine. Always and forever will be. I take great pleasure in that; in you.

thirty-seven

You were what I needed exactly when I needed it; and I know that I was the same to you. And if there ever was a match for me, in that moment of rage and passion, it was you. And together we roared and flamed- the sparks were alive with love and mutual respect and admiration. And engulfed in the burning fire, I knew that it wasn't meant to last long; but long enough. And, though I miss the intense heat and long for it again, it was enough. And I look back with fondness for what we were. I appreciate what we are. And I am always looking forward to what we will be; and how we will skirt and flirt with the burn in the future.

thirty-six

In this moment, we were meant to meet.
In this moment, we were meant to share.
In this moment, all of our paths converged to create a single fabulous event that will be recorded in our own personal histories for as long as we will remember it; for as long as the digital records last.

It won't happen again, not this exact way- which is sad and okay at the same time. This was our moment to make due with what and who we had, and we did. To the funnest extent-

It was a moment of beauty and exchange-
Of lives merging and parting-
Of introduction and renewal.

thirty-five

We would unquestionably be friends, good ones. But there is a distance that must be maintained- it is clearly written in several of the social predicaments we find ourselves in- and there are prescribed limits that require boundaries for many reasons. And so, we smile a lot and grin when we talk. Our eyes glow with the undeniable connection that cannot be nurtured. We talk about meaningless things that mean everything to us, because it gives us the chance to talk. And there are no end of awkward moments that somehow we sail through without taint to the next encounter; because somehow, we are good friends even so.

thirty-four

In this moment, there is nothing else to do.
There is no where else to go.
No where to hide; no where to run.

Any attempt to escape would brand me a hypocrite-
A chicken, a coward.

And so, with a deep breath-
I look forward,
And my sight follows the path
Until it ends abruptly at the cliff.

All I see is air- space.
All I hear is the wind- the emptiness.
But my heart believes in more, in You.

In the quiet before any action, I breath:
"I trust in You; I believe You are there."

I run; and at the edge I leap-

---

And the whole time, I've been safe in Your hands.

thirty-three

In this moment I envied her
And I passionately loved her.

---

Tears have been leaking out of her eyes for a while now. She sits still and quiet. Discreetly wiping away the tears from time to time. I don't blame her; and I certainly don't gawk. This is a safe space for those kinds of emotions; and if I had energy for tears, they would probably be streaming down my face as well.

My energy is used up by anger and resentment, by weariness.
I've got to save my resources; my emotions are hungry beasts.

And then, she snaps; and my attention is captured, my emotions forgotten. She cries out in anguish, the guilt and pain almost choking her ability to speak. She confesses. She cries. She unloads. She screams; and chokes on the release. Tears and snot cover her face- and she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I hear her.
My heart flops as it listens intently to the words behind the words; the meaning behind the meaning. I walk close to her and lay my hand on her knee. I talk to God and say, "ah, this beautiful soul follows You and loves You; and You already know how her path will continue on; and You already know how this event will be woven into her future. I will trust in Your promise that it will be for good."

I'm done.
She's done.
We embrace.
And I love her so much-
For her honesty, her courage, her release, her trust.

thirty-two

I think of you
And instantly I want to write
The desire wells within me
Is this a natural response
Or have I thought through the words
Of our story so many times
That I've programmed myself to think
In the content of plot and dialogue
In the dramatic pause of stolen glances
In the subtext sensation of a hug
In the heat of a static character becoming-
Dramatic.

I think of you
And want to write
And I thank you
For stirring that desire within me-
Even now.

thirty-one

She inhales deeply and is awed by the wild innocence of this scent. The spice is tender and clean; and provides a sharp memory- there is nothing else that smells like this, nothing else that pricks the olfactory nerves with this specific distinction: it is the perfect balance of fresh implusivity and timeless beauty. She purses her pink lips and kisses the edge of the scent; hoping that her offering of affection for such overwhelming loveliness is accepted and understood. In this moment, love is shared.
---
And as she nuzzles in close, she tries to be extremely careful- she loves the exchange, the freshness on her cheeks, the cool touch brushing against her hot lips; but it's no use. She knows that this exchange is a wholehearted, unconditional sacrifice- her nearness, her heat, her weight are a death sentence. And not immediately, but the proximity of her offering will bring brown into the bleach-whiteness of the current existence.
---
She is thankful for the selflessness of the others involved. That they are so willing to offer the exchange of love; to cheer her heart; to brighten her life- all at their own expense.

thirty

I am so proud of how you've grown up; how mature you are; how you've turned your experiences into lessons-learned; how you always move forward, ever-fighting; how you cheer others on; how your fire rages and burns on for others; how generous you are with your light and heat; how your love extends to all, and yet you maintain boundaries; how your passion and ingenuity liken to sipping from the Fountain of Youth; how your care of the details isn't forgotten and your ever-reaching hand of care is always- politely- offered- you are a friend to treasure!

twenty-nine

My darling girl,
You and I-
We are so different;
And yet, we care for each other so-

Thank you for your care.
Thank you for your box o goodies.
Thank you for the wolf-cub that grins at me;
And through his teeth juts out a blade of grass.
He makes me giggle;
And remember that Someone Else's joy,
Is powerful enough to be my strength.

And my smile will be supported by that Divine promise.
And I will smile to you in thanks;
Thanks for reminding me of such a strong truth.

Thank you for being strong for me.