Friday, March 19, 2010

thirty-three

In this moment I envied her
And I passionately loved her.

---

Tears have been leaking out of her eyes for a while now. She sits still and quiet. Discreetly wiping away the tears from time to time. I don't blame her; and I certainly don't gawk. This is a safe space for those kinds of emotions; and if I had energy for tears, they would probably be streaming down my face as well.

My energy is used up by anger and resentment, by weariness.
I've got to save my resources; my emotions are hungry beasts.

And then, she snaps; and my attention is captured, my emotions forgotten. She cries out in anguish, the guilt and pain almost choking her ability to speak. She confesses. She cries. She unloads. She screams; and chokes on the release. Tears and snot cover her face- and she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I hear her.
My heart flops as it listens intently to the words behind the words; the meaning behind the meaning. I walk close to her and lay my hand on her knee. I talk to God and say, "ah, this beautiful soul follows You and loves You; and You already know how her path will continue on; and You already know how this event will be woven into her future. I will trust in Your promise that it will be for good."

I'm done.
She's done.
We embrace.
And I love her so much-
For her honesty, her courage, her release, her trust.

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