one hundred ninety-four

Why did I love you?
I don't know.

You made me feel alive, you made me feel.
How ironic, that you can't say the same.

As a matter of fact, you said you felt nothing. NOTHING!!
"Hadn't in years," you said.

I was hoping you meant "that was before I met you."
I was hoping you meant,"now that I have you, I can feel again."

At least that's what I rocked myself to sleep believing, when you turned your back on me and rolled to the other side of the bed. "He just doesn't like to cuddle" I told myself.

"He's an aloof sort of fellow, I can deal with that...(maybe), the proof that he cares is that he keeps seeing me, spending time with me, sleeping with me, taking trips to the mountains...that has to mean something."

Every time I thought I heard the death knoll of our non-relationship and was ready for the axe to fall, the opposite happened. We spent a wonderful day or weekend together. But then came the silence, the days of not hearing from you. It would have turned into weeks if I had not swallowed my pride and called you, asking, hinting, begging to see you. I expected resistance. Instead you nonchalantly said, "Sure, come on over I'm waiting for you, lets do something fun."

Why did you not just step up and be a man? Why did you not just say,"Sit down. We have to talk. I don't think this is going anywhere?"

Instead you posted hints on Facebook: "The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but it's still on my list" A humorous quote that was being re-posted by many. How did I know it was directed at me. Like a fool, I commented with a hahaha.

But you, probably without a good replacement prospect, decided to just "Keep me hanging on." Oh how you must have agonized and debated, "ditch her now or wait till the cute blond takes me up on my offer of dinner? HEY! Maybe I could have both!!!"

I wondered why, why, why and I guess I'll never know, why you even waste the time wooing your way through girl after girl after girl. I was hoping I was wrong when I told you the cowards way in a note left with your key, that I know you never really cared about me, that I just had to get on with my life.

I was hoping you would tell me that it wasn't all just a matter of convenience, but then you made that post. The one that asked which movie describes your love life, and you answered "The Good, The Bad and The Convenient."

"YOU BASTARD"!!!!!!


This love letter was submitted to the blog in reply to Post 170.
It has been formatted and re-posted here.

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